eric@ericnagler.com

From a reader: Two months ago I learned my older brother, who abused me throughout my childhood, was in hospital recovering from a successful surgery. I hadn't spoken to him since I assisted in his prosecution and imprisonment 15 years ago.

While sitting at work one night I was overcome with the feeling I needed to see my brother face to face, and found myself headed for the hospital, not really knowing why.

What do you say to someone whom you've hated for years? I walked into his hospital room and said, "Don't worry; I'm not here to pull the plug." My brother said if he could laugh, he would. We talked about how he was doing. He then asked why I'd really come. I realized I wanted him to know I was praying for his recovery, that a card wasn't good enough and I wanted to tell him face to face.

He started talking about upsetting topics and I stopped him. It could wait until he was better. While he was shocked to see me at the hospital, I could tell he was happy I came. I ended the visit with a heart-felt hug.

15 hours later he had his first crisis, and my visit was the last anyone would be able to converse with him. After two weeks and 11 surgeries my brother was gone.

I'd wished him dead a thousand times and blamed him for all life's problems. The abuse he perpetrated caused me unimaginable pain.

During his illness I was rocked by emotional storms. For years I believed the only way the world would be safe from him would be with his death. But something told me that wasn't my decision and even while letting myself have my feelings, I spent every waking hour at his bedside caring for his needs, trying to ease his suffering.

He couldn't talk but he could understand. I spent hours telling him about the forgiveness blossoming in my heart and the love I was rediscovering. Yes me, who spent years doing workshops trying to understand forgiveness and not getting it. Caring for my brother in those last two weeks, I truly understood the meaning of the word.

I told him he could go in peace and not to worry about the past. I said I forgave him, and truly meant it.

I held his hand as he passed from this world, no longer the evil creature of my childhood, but my big brother whom I loved.

I'll forever remember the lessons of forgiveness he taught me. I truly believe our spirits came here to learn these lessons. I feel a chapter of my life is closed and a peace in my heart.I want to encourage those who doubt they will ever understand what it means to forgive.

For me, when the right time came, it happened. I'm grateful for the intimacy work I've done that prepared me for the lessons I learned during those three weeks.