It probably goes without saying that I love my dog. There is not much I wouldn't do for her, and there are those who think I spoil her. OK, so she's the only dog I am aware of that has over twenty stuffed animals in her toy bin, but she gets so much enjoyment carrying them around the house, it's hard to pass up bringing another one into the house for her.

Tara also has some heavy rubber balls that she throws around the room. They bounce in odd and unexpected directions when she shakes her head and lets them fly. I also bounce in some unexpected directions when one lands in my crotch. She tends to throw them at me if she thinks she hasn't been getting enough attention. Believe me; nothing can grab your attention away from the newspaper or a television program than a hard rubber toy hitting you in that particular region.

One of the requirements when we got Tara to have her trained as my disability service dog was that she be spayed. Bob Barker would be so pleased. She has never shown any adverse effects or psychoses resulting from her inability to breed. Our former dog, Nipper, also known as the dumbest dog to ever get lost on a single flight of stairs, developed some odd sexual desires after her trip to the vet's. For the rest of her life she would steal cushions and pillows and try to mate with them. I suppose better that than a guest's leg.

Apparently, there is a concern that some male dogs are feeling a bit light in the nether regions after they are neutered. I suppose it might be a bit embarrassing for them to stop by the hydrant and have other dogs discover the truth during a joint consensual sniffing.

You just had to know that someone, somewhere, somehow would come up with a solution. That man was Gregg A. Miller of Independence, Missouri. In 1995, after he had his bloodhound neutered, he came up with the idea for Neuticles®, artificial testicles for dogs. According the website of CTI Corporation (Canine Testicular Implantation), over 100,000 dogs worldwide have been the proud recipients of artificial testicles.

These aren't any cheap, one-size-fits-all enhancements. Depending on the model you chose for your dog, there are as many as eight different sizes. They come in the original rigid model, or in what the company calls 'Natural Soft.' They range from petite, for dogs between one and three pounds all the way up to XXLarge for dogs up to 190 pounds.

By now, you all know how my mind works. You've probably already figured out that I am sitting here considering the possibility of XXLarge Neuticles® on a little piece of shitzu. It might have difficulty chasing a ball, but you can bet it would be the cock of the walk down at the off-leash park.

They aren't just for dogs anymore. The company now makes artificial testicles for horses and bulls. While the petite canine version is less than an half an inch long, the large equine and bull version is 5.75" in length.

There are even feline versions for those people who don't mind sharing their home with a litter box. We've had cats over the years, and thankfully don't anymore, but there was one who stood out in that department. Dusty (a name he got from the only thing found inside his skull) only had one real purpose in my mind. That was the sheer entertainment value of watching people's expressions if they saw him walking away. You could say that he was particularly well endowed, and he walked proudly, with his tail held high. What made him particularly entertaining was his ability to rotate his testicles in opposite directions as he walked; clockwise on the right and counterclockwise on the left. It was truly a sight to behold.

Had he ever lost the equipment necessary for that little trick, I might have considered digging deep into my pockets for the $229 to replace them. Heck, I might have even been willing to go completely nuts and drop $649 for the large bull versions for him to rotate.

That would have been entertaining.