People have been stopping on the street to sympathize with me regarding last week's story of abuse. But that article was NOT about me. It was a letter from a friend who graciously shared her inner journey.

Her letter about the sexual abuse she suffered from her older brother and her subsequent forgiveness was twice the length I'm allotted for this column, and I had quite a job cutting it down to fit the required space without detracting from the essence of the story.

The resulting article was at maximum and so the editor couldn't put the opening remark, "From a reader," on a prominent separate line. I wish I'd instructed the editor to put those words in bold type.

My own older brother lives in Petaluma, California, has written two significant books on peaceful conflict resolution - and his path of non-violence has been an inspiration to me.I was sexually abused in my childhood, but not in the way most people think of abuse.

My mother persistently admonished me for my sexuality and any innocent expression of it. She shamed me for my sexual feelings when I was very young, impressionable and vulnerable.

She plunged me into a conflict between the need to be accepted by my parents and the need to accept my natural emotions.

I remember once she did inveigle my brother's collaboration in her determination to smother my sexuality.

She told him to explain what awaited children who masturbate.

My brother, maybe 12 at the time, painted a horridly vivid picture of old decrepit men, unshaven reprobates in grimy trench coats who spend their days lined up in train stations to use the public toilet because they can't contain their pee.

As hilarious as that image is today, I still hold it in my mind's eye sixty years later, and remember as a kid walking past the public toilets at Grand Central Station noticing there were no lines.

My brother wasn't to blame; he grew up under the same repressive regime as me.In those days it was the norm to use guilt and condemnation to suppress children's sexuality.

Perhaps it's still acceptable, but

that doesn't make it any less abusive. Aren't sex and love naturally related?

When we're made wrong about one and not the other, no wonder there is so much inappropriate acting out in our society.

Will we someday recognize that imposing our negative sexual attitudes on our children is abuse? I hope so.

May 18 - 20 I'll be attending a weekend workshop where I'll continue my exploration of my perceptions of sex and love, and where I learned them. I invite you to join me.