My annoyance was sparked by the morning mail. A McDonald's flyer shouted "FREE" like a neon sign. But the finer print explained buy one sandwich and get one free. That's not free; it's two for the price of one, in other words, a discount for quantity.

I have this thing that the word 'free' should mean no charge. It isn't as if there aren't laws against false advertising. Hellman's can't call it 'Mayonnaise' unless it contains 80% oil. If we can have a law that helps clog our arteries, why can't we have a law that helps us not be gulled, where 'free' can't be called 'free' unless it doesn't cost?

I chucked the flyer and opened the latest issue of Nutrition Action Magazine (www.cspinet.org/canada). It contained an article about lies in advertising that fanned the flame of my irritation.

Feeble laws allow supplement companies to claim almost anything. Did you know Canada can boast no less than six "world's most powerful" weight-loss products? Iovate Health Sciences of Mississauga sells two of them: nanoSLIM, "the most powerful weight-loss formula on Earth," and Cylaris, "world's strongest weight-loss formula."

Nutrition Action showed step by step how to create your own supplement company. The Internet can provide just about any formulation from sex to weight-loss in bulk at wholesale prices. But why bother. You can pour anything into a capsule as long as it's harmless.

NBC's Dateline (www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14856571/.) showed you can sell the public chocolate pills as skin moisturizer and get away with it. They filled capsules with Nestle's Quick and called it "Moisturol". They hired a production company to create an infomercial, complete with false claims for which they couldn't be arrested, a handful of 'satisfied-customers' (actors), and a real dermatologist to come on and endorse the product sight unseen.

Nutrition Action showed a photo of one of these MDs whose ethics can be bought. I'm wondering why his picture isn't plastered on post office walls.You can patent your worthless medicine without having to show the government that it works, or even what it's made of.

But my blood came to a boil when I read about a menstruation pill called Promensis which claimed "22 clinical studies can't be wrong." A bit of digging

revealed a third of the studies

showed incomplete but somewhat positive results, a third, contradictory results, and in another third Promensil flopped. Two of the 19 (not 22) studies didn't even mention benefits. Yet there isn't any law by which Novogen, Promensil's distributor can be prosecuted for lying to you and me.

I put down the article and the phone rang. "Your lucky day Mr. Nagler. We're sending you to the Bahamas FREE! I need your ..."

"Great! Send the tickets to ..."

"Hold on. I need your credit card. You see, for just $349 you get..."

"I don't want $349. I want free." "Well, all you pay ..." Click.