Re:"Shelter hopes campaign will save lives" (January 17, 2008)

While not denying the serious issue of woman abuse, this article disturbed me, as it continues to perpetuate the idea that in all cases men are the abusers and women the innocent victims in family violence. Although clearly not proportionate (the most recent statistics I can find put it at approximately 14:1), I think it needs to be pointed out that men too are victims of physical abuse in relationships. Due to our perceptions of gender roles, however, the idea of husbands being battered by their wives is usually met with incredulity. Agencies such as Family Transition Place are apparently not mandated to provide men abused by their women with any acknowledgment, let alone resources. The politicization of the issue of family abuse makes it easier, perhaps, to ignore these men.

But as long ago as 1977, Suzanne Steinmetz released results from several studies showing that the percentage of wives who have used physical violence is higher than the percentage of husbands, and that the wives' average violence score tended to be higher, although men were somewhat more likely to cause greater injury. She also found that women were as likely as men to initiate physical violence, and that they had similar motives for their violent acts (Steinmetz 1977-78).

Steinmetz concluded that "the most unreported crime is not wife beating - it's husband beating" (Langley & Levy 1977).

This was the case in my own family, where an older relative of mine was severely beaten by his wife on a regular basis. He did not use violence against her. We were not aware of the situation initially. Diminutive as she was, no one would have believed that she would be physically capable of harming him so seriously. We found out later that she simply waited until he was asleep and then attacked him, beating him with whatever heavy object was close to hand. There were no resources for him. He lived with it because he had no other choice, out of shame and embarrassment at being the husband and the victim. When the situation was discovered, he was taken in by other relatives. He was never able to obtain any redress or justice. The stigma attached to such circumstances means male victims of spousal abuse have no real recourse.

The number of young women accused of child abuse as well as murder of their peers in recent years-as recently as New Year's Day- also points to the fact that violence perpetrated by females is a problem that is largely unaddressed, except in a generalized way in anti-bullying campaigns.

As a wife and mother, and in memory of my great-uncle, it is my hope that one day resources will be available to all those who suffer from physical abuse, regardless of gender, and that all those who cause it will be held responsible for their actions.

Name withheld upon

request