As I write this article, we're headed towards a special day - Valentine's Day. It's the time of year when many of us make that annual trip to the store to buy a heart-shaped box of chocolates for that special person in our life. A rose might also top things off - just to let them know how much they are loved by us.

I'm sure these items will be greatly appreciated by our sweethearts, but I'm wondering if we really know our mates love language. In his book "The Five Love Languages ", Gary Smalley observes that people speak different love languages.

Everyone has a love language. We all have ways we especially like to give and receive love. They are - Gifts, Service, Time, Touch, and Words. Although we may enjoy all the languages of love, we like to receive love in one or two ways much more than others.

Most people enjoy receiving gifts, but to some it is has a very special meaning, particularly if it is unexpected. The size or value of the gift is not the focus. Just the fact it is meant for them alone.

Others feel loved if someone is serving them in some way. That might be fixing that leaky faucet you've been ignoring for some time (not me-of course) or some other job that just doesn't seem to be getting done.

Still others feel loved if someone just gives them their time. Awalk or dinner out - just some time to relate to one another one on one.

Touch and words are the last two love languages that many relate to. A hug and encouraging words at the right time can let anyone know that someone really cares.

Little children seem the most open to all the love lang uages. They can't wait to open gifts at birthdays or at Christmas time. They love to be hugged and give them freely. Encouraging words make their eyes light up. And probably most important to them is time. They constantly want adults to "watch me" and take time to play with them.

When it comes to our spouse, were not always aware that their love language is different from our own. So we tend to give love in our own languages, and miss our marriage partners'. The best way to find out our spouses love language is to ask (it might surprise you). When we learn their prefer- ences, we should start using them often.

It can be noted that in the New Testament of God's Word we are instructed to give love more than 20 times. The command most often repeated in the New Testament is to love each other. Husbands are specifically commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the Church.

Agape, the Greek word for love used in the passages to husbands, means sacrificing his life for his wife. I'm sure this might involve learning her love language and communicating to her in that language.

We must remember this basic truth. The bible never says anyone can demand love.

Love is a command, not a demand. In Galations 5:22 we find the Holy Spirit must create the desire in us to give ourselves away sacrificially.

It also must be noted that it's easier for us to show a sacrificial love to others, when we understand and believe the sacrificial love God showed us found in John 3:16. God has a gift available to us. Let's make sure we accept that gift before it's too late.

Jim is an elder at Bethel Bible Chapel, Shelburne www.bethelshelburne.com