Stephen Harper has the answer to the environmental crisis - potpourri. It was his wife's idea, really. She came into Stephen's favourite living room on Sussex Drive one day to discover that the dog had "made a mistake". While one of the staff had cleaned up the mess, a not-very-nice smell still lingered in the air. Not at all suitable for the Leader's home.

So, she nipped into the kitchen and had the staff gather together some aromatics - lavender, rose petals, a hint of mint and a few other herbs - her own special recipe, handed down from her mother and her mother's mother. She put these delectable scents in a large open bowl and placed the bowl in the offended chamber.

Sure enough, by the time hubby Stephen came home from the plotting back rooms of the House and stepped into the once malodorous room, he took a deep breath.

"Golly, this room smells nice," he commented, beaming at his happy and efficient wife.

She admitted the truth: "There was a bad smell in here earlier, but I put my grandmother's potpourri in here and it is so pleasant now." Arched eyebrows.

Stephen was stunned. "You fixed the environment of this room with potpourri?" he asked in astonishment.

"Yes," his amazing wife replied, "just a collection of herbs and flowers cured the problem."

By Stephen's own stiff standards, he showed his excitement. One eyebrow reached for his forehead and a small muscle in his jaw twitched. It was a tiny movement, you had to know him to see it, but she did know him and wondered what had impressed him so deeply. Little did she realise that she had given him the answer to Canada's - and maybe the world's - environmental problems.

Stephen turned and strode into his office, barely sitting down before he was on the telephone, calling his men to discover if the wheat fields in the prairies were suitable for growing roses and lavender; where was the best place to cultivate mint and - "honey, what were those other plants you used?" It had come to him in a flash - just put the biggest potpourri bowl in the world next to the oil sands and everything would be okay.

The best solutions are always the simplest. Stephen knew that.

Meanwhile, in his own office, Stéphane Dion was ruminating. He was trying to remember how it happened that he became Leader of the Opposition, Leader of the mighty Liberal Party. The night of his final election by the delegates was a bit foggy. It had been so busy, so intense, so - big. He remembered everyone was wearing a green scarf - why was that? Oh yes, something about greenness. What had they said? Oh yes, something about the environment, about the mess and the need to fix it.

Funny - on that day, it had been so clear, he remembered that now. They were going to lead the way, make gazillions of dollars, change the world's attitude toward the whole energy business.

Now Canada was a country whose official government declared that if nobody else was going to fix things, then Canada certainly was not going to change the way things are done. Not going to lead the way. Not going to invest in new green technology, not get in on the ground floor, not make gazillions of dollars innovating.

Canada is going to carry on being one of the world's worst polluters and to heck with the world and future generations until China, India and the U.S. change their ways first. Some other country has to start first.

Stéphane scratched his head, in depression and worry. How were they going to do it? What had been their plan? If only he could remember, he could take the Plan to the people, call an election, stand up for the environment, stand up for Canada's role in the world as a leader in this urgent matter.

Was there no one making notes at the time when they had it all figured out? Ordinarily, Stéphane himself was a great one for making notes; all those years at university had taught him that, for sure. But he had been so busy, he just assumed someone else had brought a pad of paper and a pen.

It was late. He resigned himself to going to bed, where he slept badly.

But Stephen Harper had never slept so well. In the morning, he strode more purposefully than ever into the House, into the Chamber. He waited while the Speaker called the assembly to order, waited to be recognised to speak.

"The Honourable Prime Minister of Canada."

"Mr. Speaker, I have a plan to save the environment."